Like most girls I’ve had my heart broken a couple of times… I was in a relationship that took a lot out of me. I went from being this confident, comfortable and happy girl to this dark shadow of a person who didn’t shine for anyone. I had no light left in me.
I was mildly depressed and fully lost in a world that revolved around somebody I began to despise. I neglected my friends, my family and myself. I fell out of love with living. The relationship was abusive (mostly emotionally, it got physical once). I was manipulated into believing that I was worthless, useless, pathetic, unlovable. I don’t talk about that period of my life much and I don’t want to go into too much detail now but I wanted to share this because there are so many woman and young girls out there who don’t think they deserve better or who are afraid they’ll never find anything better or who are afraid of being alone and I’m going to tell you something super NB- it’s better to be alone, finding yourself than to be with someone, destroying or losing yourself. It’s better to spend nights alone than with someone who makes you feel lonely. It’s better to be with your family and friends and it’s good to live your life for you, for a change. You don’t need to be with someone who disrespects you and treats you like shit. You don’t want that to be your forever so don’t waste time on it now.
What gave me the courage to end it for good was this thought, “if you wouldn’t choose this life for anyone else, why the F are you choosing it for yourself? If you had a daughter and he abused her… what would you do?” And I left so I never had to find out.
You get one life and you do get a choice and you should choose your own happiness. You should. It’s so much better to be In love with life. Im so grateful for the love I lost, for the heartbreak; because of the lesson I learnt. I’m so grateful that I learnt what love isn’t because I was then able to notice when someone magical did walk into my life. I’m so grateful every day for the people I have, for the love I receive and give to my friends, family, lover and especially myself.
You deserve to be respected and loved unconditionally, you deserve to shine. You deserve to feel happy with yourself, by yourself. You deserve to be with someone who wouldn’t change a thing about you. You deserve to spend time with your girlfriends. You deserve to live a life where you’re not constantly doubting your ability and your worth. You deserve a life that you actually want to live. Choose that. To be fully healthy- you must also be truly happy.